Is your Valentine ‘the one’? Tavistock Relationships experts offer some valuable advice
Published in Blog by Marian O'Connor on February 6th 2023
Romance is in the air and Valentine’s Day can be the nudge many people need to start a new relationship. So, how do you know if your chosen Valentine has real potential? Marian O’Connor, a psychosexual therapist at Tavistock Relationships, offers some key questions for people to ask themselves to assess if their romance measures up.
Do you want the same things from life?
We all have ideas about what we need, want or deserve out of life, including our relationships. But do your ideas align with your partner’s? Does your internal model of what a couple is (learnt from the experience of growing up in your particular family) differ from that of your partner? Are you looking for something different? It’s worth finding out sooner rather than later.
Are your values similar?
It’s helpful to understand one another’s values around money, family, culture, career and religion. If you like to plan your finances, but your partner likes to blow their cash on pay day, this could be a problem further down the line. Or it could be an opportunity for growth, where you become less anxious about money and your partner becomes more careful.
It’s worth comparing notes early in the relationship to see if you can negotiate differences in a creative way ...
Can you compromise?
Your partner will have an equivalent set of hopes and values which may be different to yours. These could be around children, religion and where you want to live. It’s worth comparing notes early in the relationship to see if you can negotiate differences in a creative way, rather than in an ugly battle.
Will you be swept off your feet?
In the first few months of a relationship, you will be intoxicated on a cocktail of hormones that keep you infatuated with your new love. Remember, the real work of the relationship starts when you come down from the high clouds of early love and into the reality of bills, bins and finding time to have fun.
“If you love me then you will ...” has no place in a conversation about commitment.
Are you making good choices?
Couples rarely move through a relationship at the same pace, so don’t feel rushed. Be aware of any kind of coercion. For example, “if you love me then you will ...” has no place in a conversation about commitment. If, on the other hand, you’re the one planning the wedding after the second date, take a breath. There’s plenty of time.
Talk to our experts
If you are looking for relationship advice at any stage in your relationship, Tavistock Relationships therapists offer a range of services for couples, individuals and families. Read about the help we can offer or call 020 7380 1960.
© 2023 Tavistock Relationships. All Rights Reserved.
10 New Street, London, UK, EC2M 4TP - Tel: 020 7380 1975
Registered Charity Number: 211058. Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology.
Company number: 241618.
© 2023 Tavistock Relationships. All Rights Reserved.
10 New Street, London EC2M 4TP
Tel: 020 7380 1975
Registered Charity Number: 211058. Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology. Company number: 241618.