How investing in couples therapy at Tavistock Relationships changed our lives - Suzy and Rebecca’s Story

Published in Counselling Stories on October 18th 2022

Suzy:

“Before we started couple therapy I was in really hard place, I had no job and had engaged in another relationship behind Rebecca’s back. I slipped into a dark place and realise now that was depression.”

We had run through other options to save our relationship. In fact, I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted to do, but Rebecca was adamant we seek help. Talking to friends hadn’t worked and though I had just started individual therapy, that wasn’t focussed on our relationship. We were so desperate for anyone to take us and help.

We hadn’t heard of Tavistock Relationships but were recommended by another therapist.

Initially we were sceptical, when we went, we looked at the quiet and serious woman in the room, whom who I assumed was heterosexual.

I thought we were going to the therapist to help us separate and Rebecca thought it was to get us back together. We were living apart at the time.

"It was such a traumatic time but when I look back now that was the start of the turnaround of us and myself, and it was literally transformative.

I have gone from having a breakdown and being suicidal and unemployed and in a broken relationship and homeless to having a really well-paid job and paying back.

I felt that the fact that that money goes back to the Tavistock service, to help others who maybe can afford less, I think that is a really important thing about Tavistock. We turned it around and at the end were paying a good fee to go into paying for other couples to get help and that’s really important to me.

I am lucky to be alive and that is down to Tavistock and my personal therapist and the support I got from Tavistock. I can go as far as to say that it saved my life."

“Tavistock felt secure and felt very safe – it is like the kind of security you feel when you go into a hospital such as University College Hospital – you know that it’s a centre of excellence – so you are getting the best, you know you getting the best people that are supervising and the best people who have been trained.”

On cost:

"We started on quite a low fee and then things improved. As we paid more- because I got a well-paid job-it felt good that were we paying what was the right fee for the quality of the service and were investing in our relationship and it was paying off. But also, it felt good that our fee was going to an organisation that was putting that money back into helping other couples."

On online therapy:

"I think being in the room is very important – looking at each other and seeing each other’s face is very important. Sometimes the atmosphere was really intense and it helped being there with our therapist. She really held us.”

Rebecca

“The situation was so acute that things changed from one week to the next, we didn’t think about how long our couple’s therapy would last. In the end we were at Tavistock Relationships for 6 years.

We went on an incredible journey. The first few sessions were very hard. Suzy seemed detached. There were some highly charged moments, but all the time the steely and calm therapist became this solid presence in our relationship around which we built things back. We learnt such a lot that has continues to influence and help us now."

"I felt like it was adaptable and flexible to our situation and adapted to us as things went on.

I think more therapists should know about your services."

On online therapy:

"Being there in that room away from the house and sharing the intimate space with a third impartial person was really helpful and reassuring."

On coming to TR for first time:

"I thought at first, ‘How could anyone possibly understand our situation? We are a Lesbian couple who’ve been together for years No one will get us’."

"In the referral consultation we were in a room with a Tavistock woman who seemed very experienced. We were in such a terrible state, but she came across as so experienced and that really helped. This was the start of the journey. And then we got matched with our therapist, and she was fantastic."

On TR staff:

"I felt that I needed someone who was really well qualified. Tavistock relationships has that. There was also something reassuring about the plaque up on the wall in the waiting room (the original charter of the Tavistock Clinic) It gave a feeling of history and knowledge that the organisation had accumulated over the years, it was so comforting."

On the face-to-face experience:

"I found the waiting room scary but also containing. It felt well run and professional, there was this air of understanding. That really mattered, especially as a lesbian couple. I adopted things like paying in cash after the appointment to demonstrate to Suzy my commitment to the process and Tavistock staff were very adaptable and flexible about this."

Contacting Tavistock Relationships

You can find out more about how investing in your relationship with Couples Therapy can get you back on track and improve your mental health by contacting us now. Book an appointment.