I can't believe my partner cheated online

Published in Uncategorised by Dr Naomi Moller of The Open University on October 18th 2021

Face-to-face affairs have a huge negative impact on a partner. It seems that online affairs are no different.

Finding out about any affair can be devastating

Research on face-to-face infidelity shows that finding out that your partner has cheated can have a huge impact – it can make a person feel undesirable, insecure, hostile and helpless. Finding out about an affair can also bring on anxiety and depression. The person who ‘cheats’ can also feel anxious and guilty.

Online cheating hurts as bad as face-to-face affairs

Initially, researchers questioned whether ‘virtual’ affairs were as damaging for relationships as face-to-face ones. The mounting evidence suggests that they are. People who’ve taken part in research report feeling significant distress, hurt and loss of trust in their relationship following discovery of online cheating. They also report negative impacts on both their relationship and their families.

Mounting evidence suggests that virtual affairs are as damaging for relationships as face-to-face ones

Finding out about an online affair can be particularly shocking

Discovering that your partner’s having an online affair can be particularly difficult. Research suggests that this is because online cheating:

  • can be discovered suddenly
  • typically occurs, at least in part, in the shared spaces/home
  • often has a permanent online record, which provides enduring detail about the affair

These factors may make the initial shock even greater.

How could my partner do that to me?

Discovering an online affair can make a person feel a strong sense of betrayal for two reasons:

  1. Research suggests that people can do things online that they would never do face-to-face. This is because the online world is anonymous and online behaviours can seem more acceptable. For more information, see our ‘why is it easy to cheat online?’ page.
  2. Research also suggests that being online can enable people to behave, or seem different than they do offline – such as being more confident or flirty. As one research participant said:

I have a deep mistrust in the internet, and feel it massively facilitates infidelity. My ex-husband is inherently a very shy man, but online he is able to act much more confidently and attract the attention of other women. I strongly believe he would [not] have had so many affairs without the internet.

Finding out that your partner seems to be a different person online can feel really betraying – like you never knew them at all.

If you are struggling with the impact of an online affair, see our ‘counselling for online cheating’ resource.

To see the full list of research references which have informed the content on this page, please see our research references section.

Share this with friends and colleagues

Looking for help?

Find out more about the therapy and support we offer.

Find out more

Get in touch.

Invalid Input
Invalid Input
Invalid Input
Please choose an option
Invalid Input
Invalid Input

Read how we look after your privacy here

Your Privacy

Tavistock Relationships is committed to protecting and respecting the privacy of prospective employees, contractors, volunteers and interns. We comply with the Data Protection Act 2018 and the General Data Protection Regulations.

Please follow the headings below to read about the way we manage data submitted on this form.

Website enquiries

If you use our website enquiry service to contact us regarding any of our service, we will ask you to provide us with your name, a method of contacting you and information about your enquiry. We will only use this information to respond to your enquiry

Where your data is stored?

Your information is stored in Salesforce CRM upon submission, where only the relevant respondent can view it.

How long is it stored for?

If you decide not to proceed with registering for our services we will keep your enquiry details for up to one year after the end of your enquiry. After this time your details will be deleted.

When you use our website:-

Cookies

Like many other websites, our website uses cookies. 'Cookies' are small pieces of information sent by an organisation to your computer and stored on your hard drive to allow that website to recognise you when you visit. They collect statistical data about your browsing actions and patterns and do not identify you as an individual. For example, we use cookies to store your country preference. This helps us to improve our website and deliver a better more personalised service.

When you use our website we obtain information about you from cookies which tell us your IP address, when you visited our website and which pages you looked at.

It is possible to switch off cookies by setting your browser preferences. If you would like to turn cookies off you can do so by clicking ‘no’ when prompted by our cookie notice. Turning cookies off may result in a loss of functionality when using our website. As an example, if you turn off cookies, some information like anonymised ‘User ID’s’ for logging into systems will not be retained, so you will need to retype them each time.

Cookies are stored for a maximum of 6 months, though most expire much sooner.

Confidentiality

Tavistock Relationships adheres to a professional code of ethical standards which includes the principle of confidentiality. This means that we would not disclose information about you to a third party without your agreement, except in situations where there was significant concern about harm to you or someone else and this would normally be discussed with you beforehand.

We ensure that access to your personal data is restricted to members of staff who require access as part of delivering our service.

Your rights

The GDPR gives you certain rights in relation to the data we hold about you. You can exercise the rights outlined below by contacting us:

Email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

In writing to Privacy, Tavistock Relationships, 56-60 Hallam Street, London, W1W 6JL Telephone 0207 380 1975

Under the GDPR you can:

  • Find out what information we hold about you
  • Access a copy of the information we hold about you
  • Rectify any inaccurate or incomplete personal data
  • Have the right to object to our processing of your personal information
  • Ask us to delete or restrict how we use your personal information, but this right is determined by applicable law
  • Have your registration information (if registering using our online booking system) sent to another provider
  • Have the right to appropriate decision making (TR does not use automated profiling or decision making)
  • Complain to a regulator if you think we have not complied with data protection laws. You can lodge a complaint with the Information Commissioners Office https://ico.org.uk/concerns/

Privacy policies

We have specific data protection policies for each of our services and if you go on to become a client, then you can access the policy of the service you enquired about here:

Clinical Service
https://tavistockrelationships.org/contact-us/privacy-policies/clinical-services-privacy-policies

Training and Events
https://tavistockrelationships.org/contact-us/privacy-policies/training-events-privacy-policy

Recruitment and selection
https://tavistockrelationships.org/contact-us/privacy-policies/recruitment-selection-privacy-policy

Building Relationships for Stronger Families
https://tavistockrelationships.org/contact-us/privacy-policies/brsf-privacy-notice

Between Us App
https://tavistockrelationships.org/contact-us/privacy-policies/between-us-privacy-policy